


"Commander"

by IllusiveSoul



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/F, Heartbreak, Pain, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:26:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24486607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllusiveSoul/pseuds/IllusiveSoul
Summary: Liara calls Shepard by her rank, like everyone else, as if they were simple acquaintances.As if what they had never happened.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Liara T'Soni
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	"Commander"

Katerina sat on the floor of the bathroom, the dim light on the roof providing little illumination. The mirror was broken, barely hanging on to the wall as shards of broken glass laid strewn across the floor.

Her knuckles were bathed in red, small shards of glass still buried in the skin as drops of blood rolled down her forehead, from bashing her face against the mirror, but she didn't feel pain. She didn't feel anything, the anesthetic effect of the red sand coursing through her blood numbing most of her body. 

But on the remnants of the mirror that were still hanging from the wall, she could see the orange glow of the scars, bright lines that crossed her body from her scalp to her feet, the constant reminder of a humanity she had lost so long ago.

She gasped for air, eyes reddened from crying and from the itchiness of the drug as her whole body shivered. 

It was funny and sad, she thought, that this outburst had been caused by a brief exchange of words.

" _Hey, Liara" Katerina said as she entered the elevator, in the warmest, friendliest tone she could muster in the hurt, broken state she was in.  
_

_The Asari didn't look up, her eyes focused on the datapad on her hands. A stoic, cold "Commander" was all that came out of her mouth, followed by a brief nod._

"Commander". 

She had always hated when her friends referred to her by rank, and shortly after they met, one of the things she had quickly agreed with Liara was that she would call her by her name.

But she said "Commander", as she had done for the past few months. As if she was a mere subordinate, a soldier whom she shared the trenches, or a superior calling her by rank by reprimand her.

All had gone so wrong.

She had believed, too naively perhaps, that this was the person she was going to spend her life with, the one who'd see her grow old, the one with whom she'd watch 2 or 3 beautiful Asari children grow, even if it was just for a few decades.

Pet names, hand holding, stolen kisses... dreams that symbolized love. Hopes that represented the chance of a decent, normal life.

But all that was left of those, was a coldly uttered "Commander"

Shepard thought she had gotten used to it. Those warm, love-filled days on Thessia were far behind, distant echoes in the darkness that had swallowed them since then.

But Katerina felt a hole in her stomach, her body freezing in place, hands trembling. The voices on her head echoing the word over and over _"Commander… Commander..."_

"Are you alright ?", the Asari asked, a concerned look on her face as she stepped out into the Mess 

Katerina snapped back to reality, holding the tears back as she smiled "Yeah. Sorry, just remembered... something", she replied as she closed to the elevator and pushed the button to her cabin. Fast enough to avoid seeing the brief flash of sadness in Liara's face.

Thoughts of anger, revenge, crossed her mind. Maybe she should just forget about the Asari. _She already forgot me._

Maybe she should be with someone else, to make Liara feel jealous. She thought briefly about Traynor, the flirty comm specialist who was terrible at flirting. Even worse than Liara and herself.

She'd noticed the looks Samantha gave her. The same looks Kelly had given her, the same look so many others had. She knew it wouldn't take much effort to get Traynor into her bed.

But just as she was about to press the intercom to call her up, just as she was about to act in rage, about to add another person to the spiral of pain she built for herself, a way to get back at Liara… she started crying. 

A conversation rang across her mind, a conversation that brought memories of days gone by.

_"I think you and Liara make a really good couple, Skipper" Ashley said as she passed her another shot of Batarian ale "Despite how things are between humanity and the Asari, it's good that you found someone. I know she and me and didn't start off on the right foot, and this will sound as corny as hell, but I'm happy. For both of you"_

_"Wow. Do you always get so sappy when you drink ?" Katerina said with a smile as she downed her drink._

_"I haven't even recited my poetry yet" Williams laughed as Shepard pushed her with a soft punch._

Now, Ashley was dead. A lot of people… too many people were dead. All cause of her.

No one stayed in her life for long.

Except Liara. She remained… while what they had lasted.

Anger, desperation, sadness, loss. Katerina didn't know what she was thinking - if she was thinking at all - as she destroyed the bathroom with her hands and face, the red sand on her blood not letting her feel anything as she left traces of her blood and skin throughout the small compartment.

And now, she sat on the floor, cold water from the broken shower washing over her.

Funny. She never had a problem with everyone calling her Commander before.

The one person that had loved her in this life was just a fellow soldier now. A colleague. Just someone else.

"Commander" Katerina said, salty tears running down her eyes as the overhead lamp, damaged by her outburst, finally turned off, sinking the room in absolute darkness, a darkness only breached by the unnatural glow of her body.

"Commander..."


End file.
